Searching for Truth

 Where to even begin...

   I feel I have no where else to turn, absolutely no one to talk to. I'm going crazy so in a sense this will be my public diary.. Maybe someone will see this and understand.. and I won't be as alone as I feel. 

    It all started when my husband started experiencing these radical dreams each night. He'd wake up feeling invigurated and intrigued, then eventually wanting more and more. It got to the point he was sleeping most 12-18 hours a day, like the sleeping world was better than the real world with his kids and wife. First I was confused, and would ask for some sort of explanation as to what was so great about these dreams. At first my husband was excited to share his dreams with me, wanting me also to dream like him so I could share these experiences. I had such a hard time understanding his dreams and even the point of them at all. This is when it all began to go down hill. My husband began pulling away from both the kids and myself even more so. He joined some sort of club of like minded thinkers and dreamers. He began joining many groups online to discuss his dreams in more detail. He became obsessed with dreaming, and slowly devoted more and more time to it. Before no time it was the only thing he did, seemingly forgetting about anything else. 

    He lost his job, his friends, and any passions outside of dreaming. It got to the point where unless he was at a dreamers meeting or talking to one of his online groups, my husband would be sleeping. This new habit of his ended up getting him fired from his job. Might I add his job provides our family's main source of income. Much to my displeasure, getting fired didn't snap my husband out of these bad habits. Instead, he took this as a sign to become a full time dreamer and member of this group. He told me he had a "vision dream" and that it was his calling to move to California. Keep in mind we live in rural Minnesota. It gets worse. My husband tells me he is going to purchase land and become a marijuana producer. He seemed shocked when I told him that neither the kids or I would be moving with him. I wasn't about to yank my life out in order to follow this delusion. 

    This promptly led to our divorce as he felt this was his calling. The last few months have been a blur. I've HATED anything to do with the dreamers or the group in general. I've made my feelings very clear to friends, family, social media. etc. This is where the problem lies... About a week ago I experienced a dream. I don't know if it was caused by exhaustion or maybe it was just a hallucination.. I'm panicking. I've hated dreams ever since it was the cause to my family falling apart. I don't know what to do or who to even turn to.